The Feedback that I got from my 1st Draft of Secrets

1. Jane Marlow - Writer - Based on our discussion we had as a pair:

Jane loved how the script was fast at the beginning going straight into the action which she thought was perfect for any short film. She also liked the tone too as she loved the larger-than-life with unpredictable Millie, the antagonist, and the bemused Jack, the protagonist, dynamic as she thought it was a very relatable and comical set up. She also liked the idea of a lie detector bringing out the story but told me to beware of writing too many long passages of the characters explaining why they were shocked.

The improvements that Jane suggested, which were written in questions, to improve on in my second draft of Secrets was:

• Why does Jack not recognise Millie? From this question I decided that in the second draft I am gonna write that Jack vaguely recognises Millie but he doesn't remember her in great detail.
• How do we know that Jack is a successful actor before he gets mugged? This question sparks some ideas on what I could include at the beginning that shows this. I decided that in the second draft I am gonna write that either Jack gets a phone call from an unknown phone number, he picks it up and its a fan and he explains to them that he appreciates all of his fans but he has had to change his number an large amount of times or that he would get chased by fans at the beginning and he would be coming around the corner as he lost them, out of breath.
• Could Millie really be Miss McNuts and that fuels her anger? This questioned also sparked some ideas. I decided that Millie would have an item that she would get out of her handbag related to Miss McNuts at the end of the script and she would scream angrily and throw it to the floor and says her final line and walks off with the item in the shot before it cuts to black.

All of these points were really valid and good to listen to. I will be definitely considering these points when writing my second draft.

2. Stephen Judge - My Uncle - Director - Based on reading it:

He said he really liked it and that it hooked him straight away at the bus stop, he also loved the text messages part at the beginning of the script.

The improvements he suggested to me were that:

• To make sure the action descriptions are as short and simple as possible.
• If you describe something visually (like the electric pads) you don’t need the characters telling us what they are seeing, the less dialogue the better.
• To remove the handbag, that Millie has, altogether since she had the phone in her pocket the whole time, I then decided that Millie would have the tape recorder, her phone, Jack's phone, a fake squirrels tail, a black balaclava and a black haired male wig in her handbag and to mention her handbag but not her pockets so her pockets would be empty. She'd reveal all of these items at the end but not the fake squirrels tail.
• He suggested that Millie should have a fake identity at the beginning so that it proves her acting skills by playing a completely different character, maybe even a character of a different gender? This is why I suggested to add a black balaclava and a black male wig so she could play a completely gender.

All of these points were really valid and I will be definitely considering these points when writing my second draft.

Screenwriter Research - Chris Columbus

Screenwriter Research - Chris Columbus

Chris Columbus is one of the most well-known directors of this century. According to imdb.com he has written over 18 screenplays dating from this year 2020, the film being ‘The Christmas Chronicles: Part Two’, a Christmas adventure-comedy family film, being one of the screenwriters alongside with Matt Lieberman, all the way back to 1984, the film being ‘Reckless’, a comedy-drama-romance film. The films I know him by from writing are Gremlins and the Goonies, two very classic and well-known films.

This has influenced me and my approach to storytelling by making me think about what I write, it has also made me write in greater detail, this has led me to want to create plot twists and making the audience feel a certain way playing with their emotions, helping me develop with my creativity in order to influence the audience. Like for example the Gremlins franchise, the main protagonist Rand, according to shmoop.com, is told to obey the three rules of mogwai care one keep it away from bright light, two don't get it wet and three don't ever, ever feed it after midnight. 

But the old man tells Rand how dangerous Gizmo, the mogwai that his son Billy called him, is, everything that's about to happen could’ve been avoided. In the movie, Rand chooses to ignore the old man’s rules and takes Gizmo back to his son Billy, which results in Billy getting Gizmo wet and feeding it after midnight, which then results in Gizmo multiplying and all of his copies go terrorise the town and terrorises cinemas as well. 

Chris Columbus through the Gremlins franchise has given me more perspective and an open mind on civilisations and the worlds I can create while being realistic as possible, while dealing with plot twists and witty ways to deal with the problems that the characters face in the film itself. One of the morals in Gremlins is ‘Do what you're told, otherwise there will be consequences’ this is clearly shown in the main protagonist’s actions in the movie. While the Goonies is adventurous it shows a different view, instead of a young man trying to look after a cannibalistic gremlin, we see younger characters than Rand who work together in order to prevent their homes from being taken away.

The Goonies, according to commonsensemedia.org, uses pirate-themed treasure hunt action to attract their audience in to try to figure out how to pay off their house’s debt. They stumble across many deadly Rube Goldberg-inspired booby traps that was set by the man that made the map, the 17^th century pirate chieftain ‘One-Eyed Willie’, that they found in Irving Walsh’s, the local museum curators, attic framed ads it was apparently one of the rejected items from his museum. They also, according to the same website above, overall promotes positive messages about teamwork, believing in yourself, and the triumph of the underdog. What I mean by this is that the film itself shows the ‘Goonies’ group itself as outcasts and it shows that the outcasts should be welcomed into society as they are like everyone else.

Chris Columbus through the Goonies has given me a new perspective of how to write my stories. It has done this because it has shown me different obstacles that protagonists, and characters in general, can take in order for the stories I write to be more interesting and more appealing to the audience. Chris Columbus is also announced to be writing ‘The Goonies 2’ and ‘Gremlins 3’ but the film release for both of them hasn't been released yet.

Risk Assessment and Call List for 'Tell Me No'

Risk Assessment

Call List

TV Pilot Script Review – ‘Heathers’

 TV Pilot Script Review – ‘Heathers’

I analysed the script of Heathers Season 1 Episode 1 Pilot because I know the actual story from the West End version, and I like the certain plot points in the story showing the difference between good and evil. In the beginning we have a glimpse of the main antagonist’s, Jason Dean or JD as known in the story, childhood and how he lost his mother, being trapped in the house which she set on fire and shooting herself in the head with a handgun. This shows how mentally broken the mother was. 

The proof we have of this is in one of JD’s lines in the script saying: “Last thing I saw was her waving at me from the upstairs window. And, even at that age, I remember knowing that she felt nothing. And neither did I” (Micallef, 2016:32). This shows the audience near the end of the episode that the little kid at the start of the episode was JD as a little boy.

We see verbal conflict between Veronica Sawyer, the main protagonist and Ms. Fleming, the guidance counsellor. Veronica does not know who she is as a person but Fleming wants something interesting to come from Veronica’s personality so it would make her job much easier. I got this message from Fleming’s line on page 4 saying: “Damn. I could work with a 4.2 and a hermaphrodite” (Micallef, 2016:4). This dialogue from the script signifies that no one is happy with Veronica’s personality. One thing I noticed in the script is that the writer has written one sentence for all of the characters. For example, the writer refers to JD as “an 18-year-old and as darkly hot and dangerous as a high school kid can be” (Micallef, 2016:4). I think this perfectly describes JD as he is dangerous and psychotic from the tragic loss of his mother. 

This can be proven by what JD says in the selected part of the script that I chose: “And we didn’t kill Heather Chandler, we just offered her a new and exciting post-life experience” (Micallef, 2016:22). This quote clearly shows that JD Is trying to make Veronica feel better and metaphorically pull the wool over her eyes and wrap her around his little finger. This shows JD's true colours and emphasises his psychotic and insane personality. What I liked about this script is that it showed that Heather Chandler wasn't dead.

This is completely different to the West End or Broadway version as in that version Heather Chandler is shown to get accidentally killed as Veronica mixes up the mugs and she gives her a mug with washing detergent in which is what Heather Chandler drinks, killing her. In my opinion I prefer this version because Heather Chandler doesn't actually die which is a bit more of a positive ending. What I also liked about this script, is that it showed the Micellef’s attempt to boost Heather Chandler’s ego making her care only about her popularity. This is shown at the very end of the script on the final page as Heather Chandler says: “That little b****. I’m going to rip her- 27 million likes…? I’m f***ing famous” (Micallef, 2016:33). This quote from the script clearly shows Heather Chandler’s ego. I also like the significance of the corn nuts prop remaining a consistent thing throughout the script. The corn nuts are mentioned on pages 10, 19, 21 and 33. This is the only prop that is continuously used in script.

This script has influenced my work because it's made me think of different things that will be good in my second draft on my script. For example, instead of repeating the time in the scene heading I could put ‘Same’ each time like what Micallef did on the first page of the script, that is if the time hasn't changed between scenes. Another thing that the script has made me think of, in regard to improving my script, is to put a brief sentence description about the characters so the reader can envision the character before they are shown on the screen, this also brings a bit of imagination to the audience.

Overall, I really liked this script, and I would highly recommend people reading it but I would recommend watching the film before reading the script So that you can get a good look at the characters before reading. I would give this script four stars and a 9/10. The reason why I gave it 9 out of 10 and four stars is Because it brings up a strong topic of suicide from which I think the audience could be easily triggered or disturbed by as it is a sensitive topic.

'Tell Me No' Test Edit

 

(Forgot to put writer, writer was Anouk Jansen)

Image Analysis - ‘Heathers’

This image is from the film ‘Heathers’, directed by Michael Lehmann, because I am analysing this script for my script analysis so I thought it would be relevant to analyse this specific image, shown below, in the film ‘Heathers’. I found this picture interesting because I thought it would be interesting to analyse with all the colours and lighting used. Heathers is all about a girl called Veronica Sawyer who wants to be part of this popular group in her high school called the Heathers. She then meets a boy called Jason Dean or JD as he is known in the film. However, JD is known to be quite psychotic and uses Veronica to make their high school a better place by killing off one of the Heathers, Heather Chandler, and the main two bullies that bullied Veronica, and her best friend Martha Dunnstock, called Kurt Kelly and Ram Sweeney.  

I chose this picture in the film because I thought was an interesting picture to analyse as I can analyse the colour used, the lighting and the composition. The colour that the director of Heathers, Michael Lehmann, used was a lot of cool colours. I think that he did this to  signify that it was getting dark and  close to the end of the night in the film, signifying that time is going very fast. Some evidence to prove my point of this is on page 17 of the script, as shown here, circled in red.

 

As seen here in the script, the writer meant for it to be night, proving my point that time is at night and that the colour blue was to help emphasise this, using cold lighting. Using cold lighting can help us believe that the light coming from the blinds in the clip are coming from outside the building from the sky. This image also uses low-key lighting from the front of the actress. I can tell this because in the picture we can see the shadow behind Veronica and behind the set of drawers. The composition of this picture easily suggests that the scene is set in a bedroom as the set is shown in the image to have a bed and a set of drawers in which is most common in bedrooms.  The colour blue is also used to represent the main protagonist, Veronica, as she wears a lot of blue, according to a Rhode Island college students website review they state:

“Blue is a colour that is often associated with trust, so it makes sense that our protagonist Veronica would be given the colour. Blue is also associated with calmness and intelligence, which Veronica is when compared to other characters like Heather Chandler. Also, in the musical, when Veronica breaks the fourth wall and talks to the audience in a "dear diary" style, the lighting of the stage changes to blue, bringing us into Veronica's thoughts.” (Rhode Island College, 2019)

I think this proves my point because it helps us get into Veronica’s thoughts as the quote states above. I think this gets us into Veronica’s thoughts because she is pouring out her feelings to the audience, making them feel a lot of sympathy for her, feeling bad for her for what she has experienced.


Bibliography:

Rhode Island College (2019) The Use of Color In “Heathers" How both the film and the musical use color to reflect the characters. At: https://www.theodysseyonline.com/colors-in-heathers (Accessed on 1/12/20)